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#1 Skill of
a Successful Person
7 Father's Day Secrets
7 Mother's Day Secrets
Overcoming Stress
Set Goals, Plan and Prosper
If You Were a Million Dollar Race Horse
Winning Attitudes for 2008
Simplify Your Christmas
Unleash the Power - Be Thankful
Five Steps To Overcoming Bitterness
Speaking God's Word Over Your Life (FREE download)
Be the Prophet of Your Own Life
10 Tips For Dads (And Moms)
Choice of Remembering
Take Time to Reflect
Living to Give
Getting Along With People
Handle Life In Bite Size Pieces
Better
Relationships #2 - Coping with Stress
Better Relationships #1-
Conqueror and Helper
Introduction: Practical Ways
to Celebrate Our Differences
It is God’s will for us to enjoy
and have meaningful relationships in our lives. He made men and
women uniquely (not better than each other). His purpose for us
is to live in harmony and celebrate our differences. Regardless
of our marital status, deep in our hearts we all long to be in a
loving, accepting relationship. We’re created to receive and
give love. However, many of us struggle to build quality
relationships. We lack understanding and practical tools. We
frustrate ourselves and each other because we don’t know how to
understand our mate and be understood.
You married men should live
considerately with [your wives], with an intelligence
recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as
[physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint
heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order
that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. – Otherwise
you cannot pray effectively. I Peter 3:7 (AMP Version)
In like manner you married women,
be submissive to your own husbands – subordinate yourselves as
being secondary to and dependant on them, and adapt yourself to
them. So that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they
may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of
their wives, when they observe the pure and modest way in which
you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your
husband. That is, you are to feel for him all that reverence
includes] – to respect, defer to, revere him; [revere means] to
honor, esteem (appreciate, prize), and [in human sense] adore
him; [and adore means] to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply
love and enjoy [your husband]. I Peter 3:1-2 (AMP Version)
Better
Relationships #2: Coping with Stress!
Men prefer time alone
to cope with stress and problems. They process life in
“boxes.” Have you ever noticed how men go into their “boxes”
when they want to relieve themselves from stress? Newspaper,
football and basketball court, TV and computer screen, a bed are
all shaped like boxes! Men tend to handle life best by
compartmentalizing their lives tackling one problem at a time.
What she can do:
Show him that you care by giving him a hug or a kiss. But most
importantly, give him the space to be alone to relieve his
tension. Don’t tell him what to do unless he asks. Trust him
that he will be able to solve his problems alone and come out
victorious. Express your admiration for his ability to handle
stress on his own but don’t bombard him with questions. That
makes him feel inadequate and your lack of confidence in him.
Women work thru
problems in a more intricate way. When they feel under stress,
they need to talk and share their feelings about
everything (good, bad and the ugly). They need to connect with
someone who will listen without being judgmental of how they
feel. During these times, her immediate goal is not
finding solutions to the problems but someone to understand and
accept how she feels. She does not want to be told that what
she is feeling is wrong. At this time, she’s looking for a
shoulder not a mouth (lecture).
What he can do:
When women talk about problems, men automatically
think that he is being blamed and she’s is making him
responsible for her unhappiness. So very soon men start to get
out of the conversation or put up a defensive wall. Understand
that women need to process their feelings by verbalizing them.
She’s not blaming you or looking for a solution
when she expresses her feelings of frustration. Your feeling of
being “attacked” is temporary. The sooner she feels
understood, validated and accepted the faster her hopelessness
will disappear.
Give her the “gift” of
your attentive listening ears, keeping eye
contact, and asking caring questions. Touch or hold her
gently in your arms and tell her how important and
valuable she is to you. You can score really big if you can
listen without getting critical of how she feels and providing
solutions to her problems.
Also before you
retrieve to deal with your own stress, let her know that you’re
not upset with her. When she feels
secure in her relationship with you, she’ll not come after you
trying to mend things. Without this she feels she has done
something wrong and tries to reach out bombarding you with
questions and unsolicited solutions.
Trust
your man to solve his problems alone unless he asks for your
input. Allow your wife to express her feelings without
criticizing, interrupting or offering solution.
Better
Relationships #1:
Conqueror and Helper
Men enjoy independence.
A man’s sense of self-worth is determined when he
“feels” in-charge. When God made man, He gave him a task
(taking care of the garden). He feels better about himself when
he is free to do things and handle problems on his own. This is
why men are often resistant to their spouse trying to change
them. The more the wife tries to “improve” him, the more he
tries to resist her. It makes the man feel like his partner
doesn’t trust his ability to deal with life. He resists her
input and she persists in trying to be a helper by making him
the “target.”
What she can do: Give him the
“gift” of freedom. Stop trying to change him. Don’t give
advice unless asked for. You’re trying to improve him but he
feels controlled. Share your feelings calmly with him about the
areas you’d like to see him change. The greatest “weapon” you
have in your hands is prayer! You’ll accomplish more talking to
God about your husband than talking to him for a lifetime. Be
assured, God answers prayer and your husband has no way out of
His hands!
Women like to share.
A woman is fulfilled when she can talk freely, express her
feelings, supported and validated (approval for the way she
feels). When God made Eve, He gave her a relationship ( to
improving Adam)! Helping and nurturing comes naturally for
her. She longs to get closer to her mate. Feeling number one
in his life is of high priority to her. She enjoys the spirit
of mutual sharing to feel secure and close to the relationship.
To belong and assist someone else brings her fulfillment.
What he can do: Give her the
“gift” of your listening ears. Be generous to invest your time
on her. Allow her to share her feelings without criticizing or
interrupting. Learn to listen to her sharing without taking it
personal or thinking she’s “blaming” you for her frustrations.
She is not; even if you feel like it! Do not try to “fix” her
problems when she opens up to tell you how she feels. (Boy!
Have I made some mistakes in this area? I did that again just
this week!) Just listen with patience and empathy! Express
genuine interest and care about her feelings.
A husband can make his wife feel
important by listening to her and asking her input in the
decision making process. A wife can make her husband feel
confident by giving him freedom and not making him the target of
her home improvement project. |